Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Crazy Love

OK, so my sabbatical is over. But I'm finding it's good for me to at least check-in to myself about things I'm thinking or reading. At this point, I'm assuming that no one, or at least only a very two will ever read this. Fine. Now I'm thinking for me, not another audience.

I just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It's been wildly popular, I think something like over 300,000 copies of this book have been sold.  To be honest, it's hard to see why. It's not a particularly well written book. The thinking is occasionally sloppy. He uses a sort of 'honest' assessment that is just as prone to inducing spiritual guilt as godly repentance.


Yet I am also sympathetic to Francis Chan's project. In classic 'your good is too small' fashion, Chan is insistent that loving (and being loved by) the Creator God will radically realign our relationships, our passions, and our resources. He's right that too many Christians and churches (me too?) are too quick to explain away an unremarkable walk with Christ that actually looks just like our non-Christian neighbors.

Along these lines, the title would work better with a question mark. If we have said yes to Jesus Christ, if we have considered what we have gained, and at what cost... where's the crazy love?

At the end of the day, while I'm sympathetic, I'd rather read AW Tozer. Tozer is often able to make the same case, yet he has a laser focus on God's character. In fact, Chan offers a prayer of Tozer's to open his 6th chapter. I'll end with it:

Of God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray, that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Still Reading...

2 Weeks, 4 days... That's how long I've now been birthed out of my sabbatical and out into the world. I'm still debating how public I should go with my new commitments. Every day it feels less and less pressing that I share them with anyone. Yet there is one thing that's certain, I have so far maintained a discipline of reading that I long to make a sustainable discipline throughout my next season of ministry.

At least for a while, I'll continue to write about what I'm reading. I certainly don't expect anyone to follow my ramblings, but it's a good discipline for me. It lodges the reading in extra corners of my memory, and perhaps over time it will allow me to see streams of what God is doing with me through study.

As a part of my devotional life, I've been working through A.W. Tozer's The Attributes of God. It's a short book for such an audacious title; it's just 10 chapters and 195 pages. Yet, I found myself captivated by Tozer's unrelenting insistence on a God that is bigger, better, and bolder than anything than I can imagine.

I live in a culture that fills conversation with modifiers, qualifiers, and conditionals. Often, that is a good thing. In pastoral ministry it can be the better part of valor to give people room to listen and maneuver with what they are dealing with. Wriggle room is good.

But reading Tozer made me wonder if modifiers maybe just adding mud to something already muddy. What if what we needed is more clarity and fewer qualifiers? Tozer offers 10 attributes for our contemplation:
God's
Infinitude
Immensity
Goodness
Justice
Mercy
Grace
Omnipresence
Immanence
Holiness
Perfection
I'm prone to assent to all these categories, perhaps you are too. Yet I know that I am just as like to put boundaries on them, somehow seeking to make God more manageable. "Nope," says Tozer, "Go bigger." If you can imagine God's characteristics in any of these categories, you must go one step beyond and then one more beyond that. I was moved to worship God, and with more clarity, as I read this book.

I had a seminary professor who advocated that we find a couple of theological conversation partners and authors, perhaps even decades or centuries old, that would challenge us and anchor us. I have some of those, but I think I'll be adding Tozer to my table.


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Butterflies and Balloons

Yesterday was my return to 'normal' life. I've been thinking hard about my return for the last couple of weeks.
Where is God leading me to pastor differently because of this sabbatical gift?
What about our church culture should I embrace?
Will students remember my name?
Will I remember their names?
Am I ready for this?
Those questions, and a million besides, were at the forefront of my mind as I took the oddly unfamiliar (but memorized) drive to work yesterday morning. I'll confess. Walking up the stairs to my office I had butterflies like it was the first day of school.

And then, when I get to my office, this is what greets me:



Wow! That's about all I can say about that... Wow!

I suppose I still have some of the butterflies and questions but that was an awesome welcome back! Thank you especially to Lisa, Rush, and the students who spent all kinds of lung power getting that office filled. It was great to be back with people I love, talking about common work that we love, and having a great dose of laughter in the middle of it.

I don't think I'm quite done with this blog yet, there might be more updates to come as the meaning of my sabbatical unfolds with more clarity in the weeks to come. But in the meantime, thank you to all who have gone out of your way to support us on our sabbatical journey... and on our return.

Peace,

Erik

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Jesus Wants to Save Christians


So, I've just come back from Grand Rapids, Michigan. While I was there I went to Rob Bell's church, Mars Hill. He planted this church several years ago, and it's grown into a huge mega church. They worship in a converted mall and people come in droves, etc. etc.

You might be surprised to hear I enjoyed my worship time there; it was creative in surprising ways; they spent good time and money preparing ministry for my children; there was a general buzz of joy and friendship.

In youth ministry circles, Rob Bell has become something of a celebrity. Early on in his career he made exegesis cool for the masses by taking his unique style on the road to Youth Specialties events and the like. At my last convention they handed out this book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians, to everyone who attended.

Over the last couple of weeks, I  engaged this book in an interesting way: I read it or listened to it, but I didn't do both. I also have it in audiobook format, so I would sometimes listen to it while I was in the bag yard putzing around, and I'd sometimes sit to read it. It may not be the best way to really to engage with someone's ideas.

That said, it was a thought provoking book, and if I hadn't recently been reading NT Wright, or had read George Eldon Ladd in seminary, then I would have been thoroughly captivated by his notion of the church in exile, already beholden to Christ as a bride but not yet fully at home with Him. This theological notion of being in the Already/Not Yet carries real consequences for those who are Christians. And this is where Bell wants to take his readers.

Salvation is not only from something (namely, sin) but also to something (namely, radically re-oriented life). And we are saved to this life in a world still straining away from redemption. So, we find ourselves in exile in our very own home town, in our own work places, sometimes in our own families. This book strives to introduce that reality to Christian community, especially for those who have not come against this understanding of salvation, or God's Kingdom before. We all need this reminder. After all, don't most of us (even those of us who know better) just blithely go on living our life in our little bubble of habit and safe acquaintances? Of course. And that's the ultimate call of this book: Let the pattern of Jesus Christ overtake you, living as one who is at home in exile ready to be spent on others.

Amen. And Amen.

Now, time to stop writing and start living in exile.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Not a bad view...


We're in Grand Rapids Michigan, seeing some very close family friends for the week. My friend is a carpenter and yesterday I traveled with him up to Pentwater MI right on the shore of Lake Michigan. He worked. I wandered around a very lazy town that supposedly buzzes during the summer. I believe it.

I sat here for a good chunk of the day yesterdeay, sipping coffee, listening to my iPod, and reading a bit. Overall, a very satisfying day.

This morning I met the sheriff, the coffee shop owner, and 5 regulars over coffee and a cinnamon roll. I don't think I've ever had an experience quite so quintessentially small town.

They were both warm and welcoming and very curious (in both senses of that word). We had a good talk about pastoring, evangelism, California, diversity, and a few more things beside.

Good times.


Monday, October 19, 2009

Big Blue

Do you remember where you first were when you realized you would never be the president? Perhaps you wondered where you went wrong... or pondered that one decision that lead to that other decision that lead to you being a middle-manager in a below average company with 2 kids, a spouse, and a mortgage rather than leading the free world through its latest crisis.

NT Wright has that effect on me. What's that you say? You haven't heard of him? He's no Barak Obama but in the world of the historical study of Jesus, in the world of biblical studies and theology, there are few who stand taller than NT Wright. He's absolutely brilliant, prolific, persuasive and irenic (although those last two might be prejudice on my part since I find myself wanting to agree with him often).


I just finished rereading Jesus and the Victory of God, a book which I sped through in seminary over 7 years ago. In it Wright strives to take a fresh look at Jesus in his historical context and build a portrait that is faithful to the source documents and to what we think we know about 1st century Israel (and Rome).

Some of you might know that saying 'Jesus' and 'history' can cause all sorts of controversy not least because of the speculative and media-grabbing work of the Jesus Seminar. As he strives to do the primary work of understanding Jesus, he has a secondary project of seeking to rehabilitate the discipline of rigorous historical inquiry for those who have come to mistrust its motives when it comes to Jesus, the Bible, and theology.

On both fronts, Wright is compelling. Starting with a summary of the various historical approaches to Jesus (studying Jesus has a history in its own right) he spirals into a method and conclusion that is thoughtful, 'new', satisfyingly faithful, and also troubling. Summarizing 600+ pages in this little post will never do, so I'll stop trying... Well, let me just take a hack at a one sentence summary:

Jesus is a a thoroughly 1st century Jew who self-consciously and purposefully gathered up the symbols, praxis, and expectation of the Jewish nation and recast them in faithful but surprising ways, announcing himself as the long awaited messiah who is in himself bringing unexpected restoration from the cycle of deepening exile that describes all nations and all people, not just Israel.

Whew! That was a mouthful. And I missed some stuff. You should read the book if you want to discover the gaps.

A friend of mine who used to work with a college ministry calls Wright's book 'Big Blue'. It's easy to see why. It's blue. It's a major paper-weight. But it's also weighty. Anyone who seeks to understand Jesus, or study Jesus on purely historical terms, must reckon with this book and its conclusions which are ultimately more orthodox than many might desire.

So, I'm no NT Wright. Never will be. I'm not even sure where I went wrong, but I can be sure I won't be contributing to the church, theology, or history the way he has. No one will be reading what I wrote 50 years from now... I'll have to come to terms with that.

Incidentally, I think not running for 7th grade student body president was my downfall in the world of US politics.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Getting My Hands Dirty

For years Amy has thought I should have been diagnosed with tactile defensiveness when I was a child. Maybe. I don't like finger paint. I avoid mud (even while playing soccer), slimy stuff, and even steered away from my own boyhood sandbox. Food texture is an important consideration for me when I consider what I like to eat.

Fatherhood has knocked out some of this. Babies are just messy - what goes in, and what comes out. And you just do what you have to do.


Still, Amy is at least partially right. And that's why I'm especially proud of this picture. Part of the health theme of my sabbatical was to try doing something I would not otherwise do: something creative, meditative, indulgent. I considered a number of things, but finally decided to accept a friend's gracious invitation to teach me pottery.

So, I go to his studio. We talk about clay. Handle clay. Center clay. Make clay slimy. Shape clay. And I love it. As I and my friend noticed it's easy to see how pottery turns into a spiritual experience. For me, the expression of friendship being extended to me was part of the spiritual experience. His hospitality was God's presence to me yesterday...

Back to the picture: it's a cut away of my first attempt at a cylinder. As I learn the various techniques at the pottery wheel we'll destroy more than we keep so I can see what's actually happening to the clay between my fingers. Yes, that's right, slimy and malleable clay right in my hands. I did that.

Without the impetus of my sabbatical there's no way I would have done this and I would be missing out. It makes me wonder, what else am I missing out on because I have some sort of undefinable and unjustifiable defensiveness: maybe I should take a hip-hop dance class. Maybe not.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Morning Mentoring


I finished Monday Morning Mentoring by David Cottrell today. I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit I read management/business type books. I've never really explored why that might be, and I'm certainly not going to do that here. Embarrassment aside I occasionally find them helpful, sometimes convicting and often affirming (of my instincts at least if not my actual behavior).

This one didn't offer anything particularly new. The principles of management and supervision are told in the form of a narrative between a wrung out manager and an old family friend he turns to in a moment of overwhelmed panic. What I did like about this book was its emphasis on character as the core thing that must be developed, nurtured, and uncompromised as we work with others. Focusing on developing as a human being always trumps striving to be a better human doing.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My Study Place for the Day



I've taken to taking pictures of the various places I've been setting up as places to study. I have a couple more photos at home, but this is where I've been today, at a coffee shop on Park in Oakland.

Besides this, I've also had lunch with a number of fellow pastors I'm beginning to build relationships with. They are a remarkable and encouraging group of people.

When we were done they all trotted back to their churches and offices and I came back here.

On my way back here I started thinking, what would I do if the church told me I didn't have an office anymore? Would I feel less a pastor without a space? Would I be less?

It's a silly question I suppose, but I have been thinking a little lately about how much the space we occupy begins to inform our identity and our sense of self, sometimes even to our own detriment. And I realize I can be a pastor, perhaps even a really good one, and never step foot in an office again.

Not saying I don't want an office. Not saying I won't go back to utilizing my office. I'm just wondering: how does that gift of space actually shrink my pastoral work?


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Some Call This Bravery


So, what did you do today? Today was our daughter's pep rally for a fund raiser they're having on Friday. For the past 3 years Amy and I have been the organizers and MC's for this pep rally. Each year we've come out onto the field dressed as super heroes in front of maybe 300 kids and another 75 adults. This year we included our oldest daughter and we've always had an 'official' with us too.

It's just pure ridiculousness. We get the kids to chant. Teacher's play a game. We remind them to get pledges. We run around shamelessly in our costumes. For those of you with youth ministry background, it's kind of like doing camp program. I'll admit that I'm never sure this is a good idea as we get ready for it. I mean, look how I'm dressed, and you can imagine how I have to act. But in the end, it's always been fun.

As we were packing up the car to go home, a number of the parents who were there drove by us on their way out. They yelled out their thanks and attaboys. And usually some other comment too. "I could never do that." Or, "You should take that on the road." Or, "That was hilarious." Or, "You are so brave."

That last one made me pull up and think for a minute.  I suppose it's true that not many parents would do what Amy and I did this morning. But it's not bravery. At best it's shamelessness.  For Amy and I, I am beginning to realize, we lose something more important than our dignity if we let our sense of adult importance block us from great memories, laughter, and relationship. In this, I take my lead from Amy who lives more unfettered by shame and embarrassment than anyone else I know.

Three cheers for being a willing fool.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Country of My Skull


I finished Country of My Skull by Antjie Krog today. Krog is a journalist (and accomplished poet) who was tasked to report on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission for SABC Radio (South African Broadcast Company). The book is a memoir of that period of her life and what the TRC meant to her personally, nationally.

There's no other way to say it, this is an exquisite book.  She artfully weaves actual TRC testimony, personal disclosure about her joys and ambivalences, and narrative of the public's embrace and rejection of this period in South Africa's history.

If books were written with a color palette, Krog uses very few primary colors. Krog herself is a liberal-minded, anti-apartheid, farm-country born Afrikaner, still deeply in love with her country and at times even her culture. I can only imagine it took every bit of her life as a poet to hold together the many hues of her life. Make no mistake, there is clarity. What happened during Apartheid, what it did to victim and perpetrator alike, is evil. Evil. EVIL. Yet there is also confusion, complexity, and exhaustion.

Toward the end of the book, she is able finally to say what is both obvious and painful. Reconciliation is not a process; it is recursive. In the course of human history, in clashes between peoples, it never ends. And it is the confusion of this realization I found beautiful, compelling, and disorienting.

I suppose Tutu's book I wrote about earlier is more popular and better known, but this is the better book.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The One That Got Away


Today I finished a collection of short stories by Zoe Wicomb, The One That Got Away. I chose the book because the author came recommended to me in a conversation after I revealed that some of my sabbatical reading would involve South African authors. I think I've mentioned that before. In short, as an attempt to expand my reading horizons but also constrain my choices, I chose connections to South Africa as a way to build up my reading list with non-ministry and non-theological offerings.

So, this collection is a set of interconnected short stories. They don't tell a unified narrative, rather we get to know the characters through a number of episodes. Excepting two stories, I'm not enthusiastic. Perhaps I've lost my taste for the short story form, which would be a sad thing and it's what I thought at first. But upon further reflection I realize I simply found it very difficult to connect to this round of characters and stories. Why should that be, two things:

For my taste, the narrative voice was too detached. It seemed to me very little invested in the characters themselves, and so I was led to that same place of distant observation. I don't like to read that way.

Second, I've wondered if I worked hard enough to appreciate the setting and world view of stories informed by an unfamiliar culture and history. This will only be settled for me as I read more of my South African block of reading. Perhaps I'll come back to these with greater appreciation later? Maybe not.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

No Future Without Forgiveness



It is hard to imagine making a decision to build a list of South African reading without including Desmond Tutu's No Future Without Forgiveness. It's Tutu's own accounting of the work of The Truth and Reconciliation Commission, a body formed after the abolition of apartheid in South Africa (read the Wiki summary here). Archbishop Tutu headed the commission which was formed by mandate when South Africa's new constitution was adopted.

It's not an exaggeration to say that the work of this commission is the hinge upon which the New South Africa sits. If it had failed South Africa fails.

This book lays out Tutu's own understanding of what the Commission was called to accomplish and it serves also as a sort of apologetic, since the TRC also had (and has) its detractors.

The book isn't very well written, and it does have that tone of hagiography I distrust, yet I found myself captivated. Tutu's own definition of reconciliation, his pursuit of ubuntu, and his overtly Christian leadership in seeking both for the sake of a nation are compelling.

The atrocities, what people did to others under Apartheid, are stunning. The system itself was always savage and crippling in its evil. The book contains testimony from victims and perpetrators alike that bring this home. The instinct is for justice: exacting, clear, punishing justice. Instead, what we get is Tutu's insistence that reconciliation is justice, the only kind of justice that will move his country (or ultimately the nations) forward.

He is steadfast in assuming that 'my humanity is caught up, inextricably bound up, in yours.' That's radical, and seeing him walk this line on a national scale without offering some sort of cheap amnesty to offenders is worth the price of admission in reading the book.

Ubuntu. I've been trying to live it this last week or so just by keeping it at the forefront of my thoughts as I interact with others:  

my humanity is caught up, 
inextricably bound up, 
in yours.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors


Today I finished Inside the Mind of Youth Pastors by Mark Riddle. No, this isn't an exercise in seeking self understanding. While I might need that, I'm not sure I'd explore that notion in a blog for all the world to see. Instead, I've been thinking about what advice is out there for churches and head pastors when it comes to nurturing those who are often our youngest paid ministry leaders.

The book is cut in two sections, the first concerns how to go about hiring a person for youth ministry. There is some good solid advice here for churches thinking of  hiring (or replacing) a paid youth worker. There are dangers for churches who do this; primary among them is the temptation to simply hand off the youth ministry to the church's staff.  He's quick to point out that the youth director/pastor is called to lead the leaders of the youth ministry... the youth ministry should be able to exist without its youth pastor. If not, something is off balance.

I wonder how long our church's youth ministry would survive without paid staff in these vital positions? How long should it survive without staff attention?

The second section offers guidance to head pastors as they seek to develop a healthy relationship and ministry partnership with the youth pastor. Again, good solid advice. It recognizes the particular vulnerabilities and passions a youth pastor might have, especially one who is younger and newer to youth work. Senior pastors would do well to consider the advice in this second section, and ponder how their own supervision and ministry to their youth staff could be improved.*

And this is why I picked up this book. I've been thinking about what I might have to add to this particular discussion about developing young staff people. What needs to be said, that hasn't yet been said with clarity, about how to create a ministry partnership that is mutually affirming, healthy, and discipleship oriented? I have ideas... but you'll just have to wait for the book.

*As an aside, I suppose it's possible to read criticism of my senior pastor into this paragraph. Let me simply say that my relationship with my last senior pastor was a gift to me and my ongoing development as a pastor. I am thankful for the years of time we had together before he recently took another position.

Monday, September 21, 2009

How to Volunteer Like a Pro


Today I screamed through Jim Hancock's How to Volunteer Like a Pro. It's been sitting on my shelf for a couple of months. It's written as a resource that churches might give to adults who find themselves working with teenagers. For what it's intended to be, it's good. The advice is solid, pithy, and it runs the gamut: relationships, camp, parents, crisis behavior, simple listening skills, youth culture, and more.

All the same, every time I picked it up I couldn't shake the impression that the guy on the cover is a young Bill Clinton. What do you think?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Back to the Basics of Young Life


I finished Back to the Basics of Young Life by John Miller today.I didn't love it, but it was good. I have a Young Life background. My first foray, real foray, into youth ministry leadership was in leading a Young Life club.

First, what I didn't like about it. John Miller was a very good friend, and disciple of Jim Rayburn's, who founded Young Life. Written after Jim's death there are sections that are pure hagiography. I don't have a specific complaint about it. I do believe Rayburn was a great man of faith and courage. I'm just not into canonization.

Besides that, I found myself stopping and pausing to mull over a number of things. Many of them have to do with the various and sundry discouragements that come upon those who are involved in ministry. Miller names them and gives solid advice on how to think about them faithfully. Two that stand out to me:
  • The various financial concerns that come with being in ministry.
  • The steady and ongoing question of 'progress' in my ministry. Am I making even one iota of difference?
I won't belabor this post with his sage advice, accept to say that Miller reminded me that God is always faithful and that the laborer works the ground for 364 days for a 1 day harvest.

More provocative for me was the simple 4-point summary of Young Life's ministry:
  1. Walk in wisdom toward them that are without.
  2. It's a sin to bore a kid with the gospel.
  3. Win the right to be heard.
  4. Assume our young audience does not know anything about the Christian faith.Therefore always be in the posture of a teacher--and not a preacher.
Perhaps this appears too youth ministry specific to be applicable to you if you don't work with students. Maybe, but the first point at least is saturated in Scripture. See Col 4:5, 1Tim3:7, 1Thess 4:12. The whole notion of walking toward those who are without, and having a good report among the non-Christian hit me afresh.

Where may I do this with ever more credibility? Do I have the courage to do it? Do we?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

My Study Place

A very generous family in our church has allowed me to study at their
home while I'm on sabbatical. My house is small, and with 3 children
there it's hard for me to focus there.

Instead, I get this. Not a bad view. Quiet. Room to ponder. I also just found out on
my first break of the morning that they have the Soccer Channel. Heaven!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Marriage Therapy


So let's not panic, but Amy and I went to see a Marriage and Family Therapist today. It's all part of the sabbatical theme, which I realize I haven't really talked about all that much.

So, in brief, the theme of my sabbatical is simply seeking deeper health for the next season of ministry. That has meant relational health with friends, extra sleep, healthy doses of time with family and books. It means some other things too - a look into our finances, trying to find a sustainable pattern for working out, and last (but not least) checking under the hood of the ol' marriage.

I'm sure I won't publish much about our time together with the MFT, but I thoroughly enjoyed our first session. Amy and I are in a pretty good spot, so it felt more like good attentive care of our relationship rather than a fraught panic-button visit. Since this was our first time, the majority of our time today was spent getting some background on Amy and I and then working through what shape we want the rest of our time to take. The plan right now is for us to meet for a number of sessions (close to once a week) over the remainder of the sabbatical.

Like I said, I won't do more than only refer to marriage counseling here in my sabbatical blog, but if you want to know a little more about what it was like, or my thoughts about it, you're welcome to ask me about it (and Amy too!) when you see us post-sabbatical.

Monday, August 31, 2009

God Laughs and Plays

Today was kind of the beginning of the rest of my sabbatical. Up to this point, it's felt like a blessing of a vacation... but now I dive into the rest of the 'plan.' That means a little more reading.

I've started a couple of books I might tell you about later, but I finished a book today, too. The book is called God Laughs and Plays, by David James Duncan. The title is taken from a line by Meister Eckhart. I first fell in love with Duncan's writing when reading The River Why, which I totally recommend.

I'm not as big a fan of this work. His critiques leveled at the political Right, at former President Bush, and at fundamentalists just come across as shrill and angry. Of course some people might like that-but surely someone of his writing caliber who has his particular worldview could push us to think about these things with more whimsy and nuance.

There are moments, just not enough of them.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Angel Island Overnight

I took Hope on her first overnight hiking trip yesterday. We went to Angel Island in the San Francisco Bay. After a 10 minute ferry from Tiburon we were in the park and started our hike. In Hope's backback were her sleeping bag and clothes. The rest I carried, which wasn't all that heavy since we were just doing one night.

It was glorious one on one time with me and my oldest. Other than campers, the park closes at 3pm, so we had the whole afternoon to walk, talk and explore the park without  hustle and bustle. For my daughter, who is the closest thing we have in our family to an introvert-mystic-butterfly chasing-contemplative, it was a great way to start our year together.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, we slowly followed and observed a group of three dear for over 45 minutes... I was ready to move on after minute 3, but my heart thrilled to watch my daughter in her element.

The hike out was LOOOOONG. Lots of whining, and I ended up carrying both my pack and hers for stretches, but I didn't really mind. She's only 8, and she'll have great memories of her first backpacking trip, setting the stage for many more to come.

An Army At Dawn


I finished An Army at Dawn by Rick Atkinson today. My dad passed it on to me while we visited earlier this month. My dad, for as long as I can remember, has had an interest in the history of WWII. So, I did too. As a boy I remember him subscribing to the Time-Life collection of books on WWII. I think there are like 15+ books in the set. For hours I would leaf through the pages, pause at the pictures, and wonder what it would have been like to live that period in color. I accepted my dad's gift gratefully and dove in.

This book did receive the Pulitzer Prize, and it's excellently written. I confess I don't have the kind of mind that wants to keep track of various brigade commanders, troop movements, and like. As a result, I occasionally get lost in the fog of names and battle locations. I suppose it's appropriate that I get lost in the fog of it. It was certainly a fog to the participants, even those who mostly just looked at maps and sent out orders.

The title refers to the American army struggling to find its identity at the US entry into the European war. It turns out even organizations like the military need to learn to fight, learn tenacity, reject entitlement, and grow through failure. Since this is the title, and his major thesis (to my mind at least), the particularity and individual cost of war often gets lost while we observe the war in Africa unfold from 30,000 feet up. If you're looking for individual cost and the insanity of war I recommend All Quiet On The Western Front, or Catch-22 as classic examples of that genre.

I liked it enough to promise my dad I'd order the next one in the trilogy, The Day of Battle, and then pass it on to him after I read it.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Guilty!

I finished a book today, The Limits of Power: The End of American Exceptionalism by Andrew J. Bacevich.

It pinpoints the problem of American foreign policy in a surprising place: me and you. His thesis is found in the opening paragraphs of the first chapter (let's hear it for straightforward writing!)
If Americans still cherish the sentiments contained in Jefferson's Declaration of Independence, they have, over time, radically revised their understanding of those "inalienable rights." Today individual  Americans use their freedom to do many worthy things. Some read, write, paint, sculpt, compose and play music. Others build, restore, and preserve. Still others attend plays, concerts, and sporting events, visit their local multiplexes, IM each other incessantly, and join "communities" of the like-minded in an ever-growing array of virtual worlds. They also pursue innumerable hobbies, worship, tithe, and in commendably large numbers, attend to the needs of the less fortunate. Yet none of these things in themselves define what it means to be an American in the twenty-first century.
If one were to choose a single word to characterize that identity, it would have to be more [emphasis is the author's]. For the majority of contemporary Americans the essence of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness centers on a relentless personal quest to acquire, to consume, to indulge, and to shed whatever constraints might interfere with those endeavors.
 I can easily locate myself in those two paragraphs; I'm guilty and for some reason it hit me in a fresh way as I read this book. I hardly want to get into a "I hate the culture" kind of rant, but this book has opened my eyes in an interesting way to the sheer force of more that swims all around me. Though not the point of the book, I found myself deeply convicted  concerning my own pursuits and discontents. This is the personal theme I keep coming back to: I have an insatiable appetite!

He goes on to make the case that American profligacy (his term) is such a tidal wave that no governmental leader can do anything but swim along - and it has real consequences for our foreign policy as we continue to think of the whole world as our oyster.

Because Republicans have been president for 20 of the last 29 years there is much criticism to be leveled at conservatives, but to simply pin our troubles on one party or another misses the point:
To state the matter directly: Observers preoccupied with delineating differences between this Republican and that Democratic one may uncover any number of small truths while missing the big ones. Identifying the big truths requires an appreciation for continuity rather than change. It's not the superficial distinctions that matter but the subterranean similarities.
I'm not exactly a political scientist, and don't really want to be one, but this theme of constancy between presidential administrations rings true to me. Regardless of their political persuasion, they are going to protect our 'interests'.  What else are they to do? After all, they lead and swim among a bunch of profligates: me and you.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

School Begins


We sent our little Malia to kindergarten today. I have vague memories of doing this 3 years ago with Hope, but one of the advantages of having multiple children is that you get to repeat experiences... but be a little more settled into it.

The day involved some crying (on my part and Malia's), but it was also filled with fun first day of school traditions: puff pancakes for breakfast, a card with a little blessing on it, and pictures in front of the school. Malia has seen us do this for three years with Hope, and she let us know about each required element.

It's a little stunning to think she's in kindergarten. I have such vivid memories of her birth, and of arriving here in Berkeley when she was just 3 mo. old that sometimes I can hardly fast forward to the present. Thankfully, she doesn't let us dwell on the past. None of them do.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

It's Like Riding a Bike

We've been home for a few days now. Getting settled in. Straightening. Making our first little forays back into 'normal' life. It's good to be back home - but it's also frustrating. Being home is like riding a bike - we just do what we do. Which I suppose is OK, but my time in Canada was a time when God whispered anew to me. I musn't just do what we do.

In other news, Malia is struggling mightily to ride a bike before our traditional camping weekend with a bunch of families this weekend. We work on it together on the baseball infield at the park close to our home. I don't think I can describe the joy of watching her work and focus. I'll be a fortunate father indeed if she takes the courage I see in her now and applies it to the bigger challenges that await for her as she grows. It strikes me, as I watch her, that learning to ride a bike is more than just learning to ride a bike.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Jonas Creek to Waterfowl Lake

Today was a glorious day.

Our devotion this morning was from Psalm 73. We were asked to ponder especially the question in 73:25, "whom have I in heaven but you?" A worthy question, but my mind wandered to v.15, the NRSV translation reads thus:
If I said, "I will walk on in this way,"
I would have been untrue to the circle
of your children.
I prayed intently over these three questions, and I encourage you to also consider them:
  1. What do I really understand and trust about my own identity as a child in the circle?
  2. What exactly is my obligation to the circle?
  3. How intimate and connected is this circle of God's family?
At the end of our ride, our legs were pretty beat up. It's just day two, and many of us are feeling a little leg weary. That doesn't bode all that well for tomorrow's ride up the pass, which will be even longer and steeper than today's opening climb.

As a way to recover many of us waded into the lake (See a picture here) as high up as our legs could bare it. We stood and let the cold seep and do its little magic recovery work on our legs. It also gave us a chance to bathe in a camp site that didn't have showers. Cleaning up isn't for the faint of heart, the water was glacier water less than 10 miles from where the water gathers into this lake.

All-in-all a great day. Tomorrow we head toward the campground where I first decided to follow Jesus 21 years ago. I'm trying hard to not over-sentimentalize it, but it's important for me to spend some time there.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Jasper Campground to Jonas Creek


Today was our first day of riding, something like 67 miles today. As you can see from the picture, it was a beautiful day for riding. We settled into a rhythm today that I suspect will probably be the way things go in general:

Wake up around 8ish
Breakfast
Putz
Devotions
Ride
Lunch (mid-afternoon)
Ride
Get to camp, dinner, ect.

Each of us is taking a turn leading our devotional time. Larry led the first devotion today. It ranged over three scriptures: Phil 2:5-11; 1Pt 5:6-7; 1Cor 1:26-2:2. It was a rich time for me personally, and it created great conversation on the road.

I didn't get to ride the whole day today. Each of us is taking a turn driving the van, and we settled the order by drawing straws... So, I drove first.

The 35 miles I did today felt good. I'm out of shape, but it's a happy out of shape. Ponder that.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

We head north to Jasper


Today we headed North to the Canadian Rockies. The drive was a long one. I fell asleep once or twice - still unwinding - and I finished the book I was reading. I'm glad to not have the book hanging over my head. My brother-in-law recommended it and gave it to me earlier this year: The 3 Big Questions For A Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni. It's pretty standard Lencioni if you've read any, quick and easy. At the same time I was gratified by two little things:
  1. The acknowledgement that parenting/family advice is filled with tools, systems, or plans that create more burden and guilt than anything else. Unfortunately, I think this book ultimately does the same thing.
  2. Families are complex systems. Without inducing guilt in myself (I hope), it's worth noting that my own family could use a little dispassionate and careful thinking about what our family is doing and why.
The drive up here was amazing. Conversation in the van was filled with laughter, chatter, catch-up. The spiritual tone has been set high - the van trip up was filled with men sharing their recent stories and willing to start the trip right. I couldn't be more thankful for them all.

We broke records today! We got here, Jasper Campground by daylight. Daylight! I don't think I've ever seen Mt Robson by daylight (pictured above) much less our actual campground. Tomorrow the riding begins. We each take turns driving the sag wagon. I drew the shortest straw. I drive tomorrow.

Friday, July 31, 2009

The Bike Trip Begins Tomorrow!

We're packed. 7 of us are here and 2 are meeting us in Canada over the
next couple of days. This trip has so many layers of memory and
meaning for me that it's hard to just let the trip be guys hanging out.

For example, it's on this trip that I first discovered that play and
hard work are not mutually exclusive, that in fact they can intensify
one another.

I'm going to try hard to not let this be a walk down memory lane and
not let it make me into a fortune cookie of deep thoughts. At the same
time I want to remember. And to remember with an eye to the future.

Tomorrow we leave @ 6am and head all the way up to Jasper, Alberta.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A day on the Wenatchee

Amy left for a weekend with some girlfriends today. My parents and I and the kids had a great day on the river. The spot we found was perhaps 4 feet at its deepest, so all of the kids could wander into the river. Make sandcastles on the riverbank, and let the current push along a bit.

Perhaps my favorite part of the day was jumping off a bridge about 50 yards from our beach spot. I had my dad record a jump for posterity.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Family Days...


Yesterday and today were mostly family days. It's hot here. 100+. So we've been to the community pool, staying indoors, and apparently doing a little farm work.

My parents' new home in Leavenworth WA has a HUGE yard. It's not quite finished yet, so Reese and I could cruise around and do really very little damage.

Earlier tonight, Amy and I had a good looooong, lazy, date like walk along the riverbank of the Wenatchee River, which runs right through Leavenworth. It was good to have the time together in the cooler evening. We had a little lightening and a little rain, which just made it better.

So far, sabbatical just feels like vacation. That means it'll take at least 4-5 days before I decompress enough to really get on with the work of vacationing (or sabbaticaling in this case). I still want to check email, call to check in on things, contact kids, etc. It's a good thing, but the work for this season is a little different.

I leave in two more days to begin my bike ride. I'm nervous. My training has fallen off a cliff since the first week of July.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Traveling by Train



Traveling by train is amazing! True, it might be a little more distracting if my children were with me. But since they aren't, I can’t imagine a more leisurely and enjoyable way to travel. I watched the sunrise on Mt. Shasta, had a great conversation with previous strangers over breakfast, and have had more than one interesting conversation about politics, sports, and religion (finding out I’m a pastor either kills conversations or opens up a whole new can).

I think the thing I’ve liked most is how I’m not allowed to be hermetically sealed as a traveler. There’s movement, forced conversation over a meal, and also less stress. It just doesn’t have the same intensity or stress as flying. It’s been a good decompressing way to start my time away.

On one other note, I finished my first book. I mentioned it last night. It’s nothing heavy, but I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to see how financial greed and scheming in the 80’s seeded our current financial crisis. It’s a memoir of a man who worked at Salomon Brothers as a bond trader. First published in 1989, it was spooky in places to think about how that story told over 20 years ago directly informs so much of what we face now.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ready, Set, Exit...


Today was a blessing. There isn’t another word for the time of worship, Debbie’s sermon on the resurrection, and the affirmations I received from congregants about my sabbatical. I’m flooded with the excitement and gratitude of well wishes and promised prayer. If I was giddy before (and Debbie told each service how over the top elated I was this morning) I’m now simply joyous.


My sabbatical is begun. I’m sitting on Amtrak, my first train ride ever, alone; I couldn’t be more happy or content. As I pull away from the church, ministry relationships, regular responsibilities I feel as I’ve started right. Goodbyes mostly made (especially to departing seniors). Inbox is empty. Fall ministry plans made. A sabbatical plan in hand that I think will actually nudge me somewhere new. Where? Let’s find out together.


More about the plan tomorrow, perhaps. For now, I’m going back to reading Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis. Thanks to M. Easton for the loaner.